Another Self Portrait that kind of reflects my mood at the time. I was a paramedic two years at this point and I’ve seen a lot of things, a lot of darkness that kind of weighs on you. I didn’t go into blindly I was an EMT for 4 years already so I knew what I was getting into. But as a medic you are responsible for the lives of the people who call on you and the staff you are working with. It gets heavy.
This painting is from a photograph I took of myself and I was interested in the looming quality of the image and the mass of darkness. I’m not really a dark person, and I try to find the humor in just about everything to a fault because it helps me to process it all. My basic (EMT) at the time of this work told me that when I was on scene most of the time I was expressionless. I tried not to show too much concern or to let on that I might have been a bit unnerved by their situation, just to keep them calmer. I wanted to bring the level down as many notches as I could.
Anyway, this was an older work done in Artrage. It is my intention to rework this piece eventually, this and probably a number of others where I can tune up the details just a bit. I do like the freedom and looseness of the brush work but the digital artifacts from the palette knife has me wanting to go in and tighten it up just a bit. The original title is Unconvinced, and it reflects the feel of me evaluating someone who is making claims inconsistent with their presentation. But I may change that as well…I think the mood is a bit heavier.
